apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
