I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
