i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
