i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.