I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad