pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
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yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.