I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
