so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
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She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho