Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
