I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
