Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
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Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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