You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
