wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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