I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
