how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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