3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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