dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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