you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
