I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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