arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
