Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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