I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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