Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
no, he came in my armpit
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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