He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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