i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
