You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
