You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
