kristin has been a bad kristin
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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