i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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