i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
