Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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