She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
