I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
