Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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