doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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