I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
