bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize