dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
