Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
