i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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