I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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