I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize