Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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