Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
