he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
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Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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