My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
