I think I won the penis lottery.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
