she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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