I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize