God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
