they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
