i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
