And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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