it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
