have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
