Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
