Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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