im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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