He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
