drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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