just tell him i said nine months
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
