just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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