I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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