I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
