Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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