i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
