My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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