Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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