jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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