WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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