first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
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woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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