dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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