We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
