she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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