she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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