if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
