Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
